A few Algerian congregations I partook in recently led me to notice a pattern I felt compelled to explore and write about, I even received a few requests to write on the subject but I fear I cannot pretend to offer any solutions only the findings of my very modest research and personal opinion …Here goes!
The Algerian men who have lived abroad for long periods of time exceeding seven years, and particularly those who immigrated early on, in their late teens or early twenties, it seems find it hard to look at Algerian girls any other way than their sisters…
Samir says: “I don’t know, I guess I just seem them all as my sisters”, whilst Rayan declares “I would feel guilty if I was to go out with an Algerian girl and then it didn’t work out, or if there was anything physical than I feel I used her”
When questioned, if they’d felt guilt or this feeling of fraternity towards females of other nationalities i.e. English or Moroccan, answers were as predicted;
They seem to regard European girls as more able to accept that a relationship may or may not work, it is part of the culture and way of life, being and Arab or a Muslim however does not always affect the decision, “a girl is a girl” one of them said, "but the fact that she is Algerian changes things, it brings it close to home, I think of my sister and if someone would do anything to her".
Another one said “I would feel bad if I had to leave an Algerian girl after dating her, because if she’s heart broken and alone abroad, I am not supposed to be the one to break her heart….”, Kamel who is 40 says “I would consider an Algerian girl but only for marriage or a serious relationship not for a casual thing”, Ali says “If we don’t marry our own girls, who’s going to marry them”.
To cite only a few, and so far; a mixed set of opinions here, leading me to believe that these men grow to love and respect their female counterpart and revere them like sisters and mothers, they haven’t been able to make the jump over to the more romantic or sexual side of their feelings for these women who are somewhat baffled...see next
When Algerian girls living abroad (mostly in London) were questioned on the topic, reactions were divided between “I would rather be with an Algerian guy, only he would understand me”, ”I wouldn’t mind being with an Algerian, but other nationalities are also considered, namely from the Middle East and Europe” another one was indignant as to what these Algerian men are doing dating and marrying non-Algerians, when there is a huge number of single Algerian girls available and looking.
Another NON-Algerian girl said the following: “I haven’t met any Algerian guys or girls who are not single, you guys are all single” quite the statement coming from an objective outsider.
My research on the subject is not extensive and mainly targeted Algerian professionals between the ages of 28 - 40 who are living in London over the last few years since London has been identified as the common denominator for the imposed singeldom Londoners have been suffering.
Arguably, Algerian men who grew up in Algeria up to a certain age, that is to say over 22, have had some kind of dating experience with Algerian girls (back in Algeria) and have managed to cross the line from fraternal love and respect to opposite sex attraction and romantic feelings; the former seem to be able to look at fellow Algerian girls as suitable life, sexual or dating partners and girlfriends, whereas the consensus dictates that the Algerian young men who left Algeria very early on, having encountered only their mothers, sisters and cousins in their lives post-Algeria, tend to view all Algerian ladies as such (family) and thus are not naturally attracted to Algerian women and will not look to them for romantic relationships, however, some would consider forming serious relationships akin or leading to marriage with them as they (Algerian men) would see their mothers or sisters who represent the prime example of a life partner, in these candidates.
Algerian women living abroad, on the other hand, regardless of their living situation or length of life abroad, would seemingly consider Algerian men as suitable candidates for a serious and non- serious relationship.
One of the people questioned on the topic suggested an answer for this “these women look for their fathers in other Algerian men and prefer them to be authoritarian, old fashioned perhaps, even jealous”, but one cannot slap ones research candidates so I lets move on, the same slapable individual mentioned the following “these girls date European boys for ages, snob us for years, then upon reaching their 30s they want a nice Algerian man to marry”.
Perhaps the case is that Algerian girls who moved away from home at an early age, found a very small Algerian community (in the UK), had to date and marry men form other nationalities, the ones who remain single now look to Algerian men but are met with “ah now you want an Algerian man”, the judgmental stance some of these men have towards the Algerian girls is to respond to their own feelings of rejection by these very same girls.
Certainly what springs into mind is that Algerians grew apart here in London and the UK, with advancing careers, financial stability, has their mind set shifted so much that they can no longer recognise each other as potential life partners?
And with advancing in life, do they feel their choice needs to advance accordingly? Implying that opting for an Algerian partner will set them back a step?
Perhaps it's worth mentioning that none of the people who participated in this modest "research" have any issues with Algerians of both gender dating or marrying other nationalities, they're merely wondering what the non-taken ones are thinking!
One more thought, when these men meet Algerian girls out there, before realising they're Algerian, they could easily be attracted to them, would they change their minds when they realise they're Algerian and feel guilty of being attracted to their so called "sisters"?
One more thought, when these men meet Algerian girls out there, before realising they're Algerian, they could easily be attracted to them, would they change their minds when they realise they're Algerian and feel guilty of being attracted to their so called "sisters"?
This is certainly a new dilemma of mine and of every single and sometimes married Algerian out there, and as you have guessed, I offer no solutions, only more questions…jolly good!
Dz-chick….enough said this time around!
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Names have been changed for anonymity reasons.
A similar post albeit from a different angle here - from Dz-Chick
