Will you be my third wife?

The word itself sounds like a game to me, like Monopoly or Scrabble, a mouthful of a word for a lot of women, Polygamy. 

You might think where does she get this stuff from, but not to sound overdramatic, recently, another misguided attempt at match-making by another so called “friend”(1), who insisted on setting me up with a friend of his who was an interesting party and had all the qualities I was looking for apparently, however he omitted to mention the fact that this Gentleman was actually MARRIED.

A happily married man at that, who also has a girlfriend whom he loves dearly according to him and three children in school, this PERFECT gentleman proposed marriage to me. Initial reaction would have been to stomp my feet and scream in indignation but instead I just lost speech hence no posts for over a fortnight.

After getting over the shock and my nerves reassembled themselves, I sat thinking about Polygamy…

I thought, or perhaps hoped it had disappeared like the plague or became as rare as dying from syphilis and consumption, but it seems as present as HIV and as funny as Cancer, a real dilemma for certain women, a daily living situation for some and a constant battle for others. Where would I even start?

Why would anyone want more than one partner? And how is this still allowed?

Polygamy is still widely practiced amongst Mormons and Muslims, albeit to different degrees, in Islam a man is allowed up to four wives, Mormons a lot more although the justifications are somewhat different.

In Islam Polygamy was allowed centuries ago at the time of the crusades and wars, when men died in battlefields leaving behind their young brides and children with no one to fend for them, multiple marriages were allowed for social reasons and to give these wives and children protection, food and shelter. There is a great emphasis on polygamy being allowed but not encouraged, and subjected to conditions, and if the man lacks those material and moral conditions, or he is not competent enough to satisfy all of them, then he should not be legible to have more than one wife, such conditions as the absolute equality between the wives and children, being able to provide for them and above all the agreement of the wife for the next marriage although the latter is often disputed and not always recognised.

Polygamy is still practiced in some regions of the Middle East and some rural areas of North Africa; though I never thought it would come so close to home for me.

In the rest of the world, Polygamy is regarded as a crime punishable by law, the Christian secular church prohibits it, even though the Old Testament allows it, it was only later on made illegal in most secular churches.

The Mormon Church also known as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, on the other hand, allows and encourages polygamy; it is a way of life for the Utah based church, although prohibited in the rest of the American states.

This practice that was created and allowed in times where the need for multiple marriages was honourable or helpful, no longer exists, why are men still allowed in this day and age to take on multiple wives and start multiple families?

Arguably, it is the word of God in the Quran and the old testaments, but if polygamy is allowed based on its origin, then should be the case for other practices that have no place in the modern day judicial system that claims is based on religious values and Islamic teachings. Why don’t they treat the sex traders with the treatment devised to them according to the Books?

From a diffrent angle, Polygamy has been viewed as a solution to low births and low marriage rates, as was the case in Russia when Ultra-Nationalist politician Vladimir Jirinoski suggested legalising polygamy as a solution to nationality problems in Russia "if we helped just five per cent (of these couples) we would have around 200,000 extra births per year", he said.

Others like some Muslims in the UK use polygamy as a mean to collect benefit from the government by having multiple wives and marrying them through the spiritual ceremony "nikah", whereupon these wives are considered single mothers and are therefore entitled to a full range of "lone parent benefits".  Although the government is aware of the issue, as concerns have been voiced from the predominantly Asian communities where these practices are taking place, cultural sensitivies stop politicians from addressing the problem.

Other polygamists or bigamysts (two wives) find themselves in this situation due to their illegal alien status in the host country, the plygamist would marry a women who would grant him the right to remain, and as soon as allowed to return home for a holiday, would then take up another wife, with very high chances of abandoning the first wife or keeping both unbeknown to either parties.

God may have allowed Polygamy and I am no one to argue, but it is being used for means that are outside of its rightful time and mean. Women are treated with very little respect, exchangeable and divorceable and used as statistical tools, to produce babies to boost numbers,  to reap benefits from the welfare system and for men's pleasure and divertissement.

Being a Woman, a Muslim, Algerian and a UK foreign National, I find myself insulted by the very concept of polygamy and I would lobby against it in Algeria and here in England and so help me God if anybody else "proposes" again this year!

Dz-Chick…does not like to share!

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(1) no longer the case