After what seems to be an eternity spent in the seaside city of doom, I am finally back in London where I feel I belong. I have landed my old job back in the City and moved into a new area of London I hadn’t experienced before and all feels well, almost as though I never left.
The past year has been without a doubt the most testing of my whole life, in fact it was my own military service, I dived into a completely different place, different industry and I gave it my all, but the social isolation and working environment got the better of me. I did not in any way give up, I fought very hard not to throw in the towels but I reached a point where if I had stayed I would be loosing my mind, dignity, integrity and all that I stand for.
I am very proud of my achievement, resilience and willpower, I always believed that I was a strong person, but I think that this time I even surprised myself with how much I could take on, the challenge being what it was overwhelmed me, I was consumed by the challenge itself and delayed my departure until I thought I made a difference, not realising the stress and mental abuse was taking its tole on my mental health and consequently physical health. Upon leaving I felt like a prisoner who had been released, lost my confidence, put on a lot of weight due to stress related eating disorder (well I say disorder - I just scoffed on a lot of ice-cream for comfort), I became Über sensitive to all comments, critics or sometimes even compliments made me weep.
I am a naturally forgiving person, but you cannot forgive until you heal, so I am nurturing my wounds, started by getting my fitness back, feel good about my physical appearance, seek professional help if needed and lets face it IS needed, anyone reading my blogs can tell I am a bit neurotic.
So I am back in London, my take on life has changed, my priorities have shifted and my goals have been altered, maybe this is growing up...or maybe this is just part of life, either way my mind is clear and I know where I am heading…Until the next time they change.
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Serial Dating...
My friend thought it would be a good idea to put me on myseinglefriend.com
I thought it is the future after all, everybody does it, and internet dating is the current norm so I decided to keep an open mind and subsequently went on 4 dates.
Being a novice to this I was somewhat traditional in the way I tried to get to know or more appropriately question the gentlemen. They were more business like about it, they had what I can only describe as a prepared memorised monologue used to describe themselves, specific discerning questions aimed at evaluating me and my motives. Venues were also a lot less traditional than the usual restaurant dinner or a movie. My dates ranged from drinks in cocktail bars to coffee and walks on the beach (my favourite so far) to an evening of fun on the pier arcade, the latter has to be the worst experience, I was exasperated by this guys lack of manners, after a hard day of Ramadan fasting (note I was the one fasting not him, I dont think he's ever heard of Ramadan) I fixed the date to a more suitable time for me to enjoy a coffee or some food, we spent the whole date playing games and rides which was a lot of fun, but the lack of food was starting to drain my energy and I suggested we grab some “pier” food which I didn’t have the chance to finish before he devoured it for me and when he finished with playing what felt like all the games TWICE like an out of control child and eating my food he decided to call it a night…In his words “I think I’ll be off now”, I resisted the urge to respond: I was OFF since I got here you chin-less little man but I composed myself, smiled and said “I had a nice time, Thank you” and left shaking my head and talking to myself all the way home- Never again.
Other less bad dates but equally exasperating, were in fact so bad I had to settle the restaurant bill just to give him a hint as to my take on the evening and to suggest without offence the “FAIL”. Hint for the gentlemen out there, if a women doesn’t wait for you to settle and pays the bill herself, it is usually one of two scenarios: she likes you and is desperate to buy you with her money or she doesn’t like you and her paying the bill will give her the permission to leave and say thank you, I had a lovely time without feeling guilty or be guilted into further contact.
After my fourth bad date I had the epiphany and realised all these men have become SERIAL daters, they go on so many dates that they loose sight of what they were looking for in the first place. They get entangled in the arrays of available women, theses men actually travel nationwide to date girls they think are desperate for a boyfriend they would do anything to keep him i.e. pay for dinner and invite him back to theirs,. Serial dating can also be a very expensive game, if any given man schedules about three dates in one weekend that could be an expensive weekend of lunches and dinners and coffees and by the time he’s done with the heavy schedule unless he’s keeping scores, he is going to confuse the candidates and forget who is who and who said what.
Some are lucky enough to find their soulmate, settle down and give happiness a go and some aren’t so lucky and will continue playing this game of endless chasing and stunted adolescence leaving themselves penniless and lost and women hurt and frustrated.
And what about romance? These dates are so generic and planned they are a cocktail short of a job interview. There is no looking into your eyes but looking at your other more “en relief” assets, there are no candles but more mobile phone lights…it is the end of romance.
I thought it is the future after all, everybody does it, and internet dating is the current norm so I decided to keep an open mind and subsequently went on 4 dates.
Being a novice to this I was somewhat traditional in the way I tried to get to know or more appropriately question the gentlemen. They were more business like about it, they had what I can only describe as a prepared memorised monologue used to describe themselves, specific discerning questions aimed at evaluating me and my motives. Venues were also a lot less traditional than the usual restaurant dinner or a movie. My dates ranged from drinks in cocktail bars to coffee and walks on the beach (my favourite so far) to an evening of fun on the pier arcade, the latter has to be the worst experience, I was exasperated by this guys lack of manners, after a hard day of Ramadan fasting (note I was the one fasting not him, I dont think he's ever heard of Ramadan) I fixed the date to a more suitable time for me to enjoy a coffee or some food, we spent the whole date playing games and rides which was a lot of fun, but the lack of food was starting to drain my energy and I suggested we grab some “pier” food which I didn’t have the chance to finish before he devoured it for me and when he finished with playing what felt like all the games TWICE like an out of control child and eating my food he decided to call it a night…In his words “I think I’ll be off now”, I resisted the urge to respond: I was OFF since I got here you chin-less little man but I composed myself, smiled and said “I had a nice time, Thank you” and left shaking my head and talking to myself all the way home- Never again.
Other less bad dates but equally exasperating, were in fact so bad I had to settle the restaurant bill just to give him a hint as to my take on the evening and to suggest without offence the “FAIL”. Hint for the gentlemen out there, if a women doesn’t wait for you to settle and pays the bill herself, it is usually one of two scenarios: she likes you and is desperate to buy you with her money or she doesn’t like you and her paying the bill will give her the permission to leave and say thank you, I had a lovely time without feeling guilty or be guilted into further contact.
After my fourth bad date I had the epiphany and realised all these men have become SERIAL daters, they go on so many dates that they loose sight of what they were looking for in the first place. They get entangled in the arrays of available women, theses men actually travel nationwide to date girls they think are desperate for a boyfriend they would do anything to keep him i.e. pay for dinner and invite him back to theirs,. Serial dating can also be a very expensive game, if any given man schedules about three dates in one weekend that could be an expensive weekend of lunches and dinners and coffees and by the time he’s done with the heavy schedule unless he’s keeping scores, he is going to confuse the candidates and forget who is who and who said what.
Some are lucky enough to find their soulmate, settle down and give happiness a go and some aren’t so lucky and will continue playing this game of endless chasing and stunted adolescence leaving themselves penniless and lost and women hurt and frustrated.
And what about romance? These dates are so generic and planned they are a cocktail short of a job interview. There is no looking into your eyes but looking at your other more “en relief” assets, there are no candles but more mobile phone lights…it is the end of romance.
Sunday, 6 June 2010
33 and still single....maybe I will do better next year!
In the midst of my 33rd year, still single.
Long gone are my London socialite days where work was just a mean to afford to have fun and indulge in luxury goods and lifestyle. I moved to a smaller sea-side city for work in the hope of bettering myself -further I mean...but the only thing I managed to further is my weight gain, managed to kill my social life and burry myself in my work.
Seven months on and still going strong, the last few months in this god forsaken seaside town have been nothing short of a military camp for me. My life revolves around work, working and the little time I have I spend it on the motorway running back to London to my old life and my friends where I resource myself so I can face the hard working environment I found myself in. Male dominated industry, lack of acceptance from male colleagues and peers. Can’t say this hasn’t taken its tole on me. Though perhaps there are a few positive outcomes to this experience. I have realised how strong willed I am, my endurance knows no end, I have taken on a 3 men position, surrounded by egocentric, sexist males who endeavour to make my life difficult, which in turn makes me persevere even more. I see this as a set challenge and I accept it, naturally the other positive aspect to this whole experience is what I have learnt in terms of the business aspect and my abilities to do business. ..I suppose the other realisation is the level of motivation, determination perseverance and capabilities I seem to have...mmm is this what detters men?
As I always said before, I am a strong believer in fate, and I believe that all of this is happening for a reason, I will never question the reasons or the intricate plans of nature, I just keep going and let life happen, what is encouraging though is that I can see the mirage and the picture of my final plan in the midst of all this fog and uncertainty. I have faith that I will achieve my goal, I will not divulge this just yet but I will do in the future and all will be invited to the "opening" Inchallah.
To be painfully honest, whilst writing the previous paragraph I realised I was trying to convince myself that it will happen for me and that I will succeed, I am a fearless creature who knows no boundaries to success, if it is to be grabbed then it shall be, so I will work hard and make it happen...Inchallah
My life cannot be what it has been for the last few months, a sad state of a workaholic who is married to her job because she has nothing better to do, Yesterday, feeling quite hormonal and emotionally deprived, I actually cried about my spending the afternoon off in my garden, I cried about things I didn’t have and things I don't even know if I really want, I cried about the lack of a man in my life, lack of children not because I want them but because I feel I am being judged by society for not wanting them, I feel scrutinised by my friends when I play with their kids as though they try to decipher why is it that I am not interested by babies and If I am perhaps jealous of their own "litter"...I cant swear I don’t want to have children, I can only say HONNESTLY that the thought would not cross my mind unless I had someone I WANT to have them with, someone I love and desire....why am I so hard on myself? I cannot even allow myself the luxury of a relaxing afternoon in the garden...I feel restless.
As we all know most women from the age of 24 start fantasising about having children, you hear them cry "I want a baby"...I question..."how?", "with whom?" I believe the broodiness is a natural urge that we cannot control, male or female but we can suppress it with the aid of social and moral norms, but this doesn’t apply or work for everybody, perhaps for me, but I cannot judge people for seeking to have children with the help of "new age" methods, women are more and more inclined to have babies without the help of a natural insemination or a man present unless he was the specialist doctor. And I cannot judge them...these women in their mid to late thirties who have looked and looked but failed to find a partner, love or someone to be with, choose to cut their losses whilst biologically still possible and create a partner within. I am sympathetic.
I started this blog when I turned 30 and 3 years later.... same blog title! Single Algerian Women...albeit in a different town, perhaps I will do better in my 4th year.
Long gone are my London socialite days where work was just a mean to afford to have fun and indulge in luxury goods and lifestyle. I moved to a smaller sea-side city for work in the hope of bettering myself -further I mean...but the only thing I managed to further is my weight gain, managed to kill my social life and burry myself in my work.
Seven months on and still going strong, the last few months in this god forsaken seaside town have been nothing short of a military camp for me. My life revolves around work, working and the little time I have I spend it on the motorway running back to London to my old life and my friends where I resource myself so I can face the hard working environment I found myself in. Male dominated industry, lack of acceptance from male colleagues and peers. Can’t say this hasn’t taken its tole on me. Though perhaps there are a few positive outcomes to this experience. I have realised how strong willed I am, my endurance knows no end, I have taken on a 3 men position, surrounded by egocentric, sexist males who endeavour to make my life difficult, which in turn makes me persevere even more. I see this as a set challenge and I accept it, naturally the other positive aspect to this whole experience is what I have learnt in terms of the business aspect and my abilities to do business. ..I suppose the other realisation is the level of motivation, determination perseverance and capabilities I seem to have...mmm is this what detters men?
As I always said before, I am a strong believer in fate, and I believe that all of this is happening for a reason, I will never question the reasons or the intricate plans of nature, I just keep going and let life happen, what is encouraging though is that I can see the mirage and the picture of my final plan in the midst of all this fog and uncertainty. I have faith that I will achieve my goal, I will not divulge this just yet but I will do in the future and all will be invited to the "opening" Inchallah.
To be painfully honest, whilst writing the previous paragraph I realised I was trying to convince myself that it will happen for me and that I will succeed, I am a fearless creature who knows no boundaries to success, if it is to be grabbed then it shall be, so I will work hard and make it happen...Inchallah
My life cannot be what it has been for the last few months, a sad state of a workaholic who is married to her job because she has nothing better to do, Yesterday, feeling quite hormonal and emotionally deprived, I actually cried about my spending the afternoon off in my garden, I cried about things I didn’t have and things I don't even know if I really want, I cried about the lack of a man in my life, lack of children not because I want them but because I feel I am being judged by society for not wanting them, I feel scrutinised by my friends when I play with their kids as though they try to decipher why is it that I am not interested by babies and If I am perhaps jealous of their own "litter"...I cant swear I don’t want to have children, I can only say HONNESTLY that the thought would not cross my mind unless I had someone I WANT to have them with, someone I love and desire....why am I so hard on myself? I cannot even allow myself the luxury of a relaxing afternoon in the garden...I feel restless.
As we all know most women from the age of 24 start fantasising about having children, you hear them cry "I want a baby"...I question..."how?", "with whom?" I believe the broodiness is a natural urge that we cannot control, male or female but we can suppress it with the aid of social and moral norms, but this doesn’t apply or work for everybody, perhaps for me, but I cannot judge people for seeking to have children with the help of "new age" methods, women are more and more inclined to have babies without the help of a natural insemination or a man present unless he was the specialist doctor. And I cannot judge them...these women in their mid to late thirties who have looked and looked but failed to find a partner, love or someone to be with, choose to cut their losses whilst biologically still possible and create a partner within. I am sympathetic.
I started this blog when I turned 30 and 3 years later.... same blog title! Single Algerian Women...albeit in a different town, perhaps I will do better in my 4th year.
Wednesday, 20 January 2010
Footprints....
Thank you all for your comments, negative or positive. You are reading and are part of a dialogue addressing real issues. I am not writing to be praised by fellow bloggers or readers, but to inform, discuss and learn.
Miss Dz-Chick
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